Kevin Thompson [00:00:00]:
Hey. Welcome back to Change the Odds, the podcast where marriage and family were never meant to be a game of chance. My name's Kevin Thompson. Blaine and Adrienne, you're back.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:06]:
We are back.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:07]:
Hello. Back again.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:08]:
It's been a minute, but we're back.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:10]:
It's been a little bit. Been in Canada.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:11]:
Yes.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:12]:
For the summer. Because where else would you go in the summer?
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:16]:
Hawaii.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:17]:
There are other options.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:18]:
California.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:19]:
So today's the day. Today's a day. We have a special episode.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:23]:
What happened today?
Kevin Thompson [00:00:24]:
This is like whenever I was a kid and the weekday, the after school show, they'd have an after school special. This special episode. It's somebody's anniversary.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:34]:
What?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:00:34]:
Oh, that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:36]:
Oh, us. Us.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:37]:
Yes.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:37]:
It's all about you.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:38]:
All about Blaine and Angel.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:39]:
Yes.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:40]:
How many years?
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:41]:
14. I just found that out a couple of days ago. I'm making a very much of a agreement with myself to remember this.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:49]:
For the most of time here on.
Blaine Neufeld [00:00:50]:
Out, I'm gonna remember how many years.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:52]:
So do you both remember the date all the time, or do you have to be reminded?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:00:57]:
We always remember the date, but we don't really, like, realize it sneaks up on us.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:02]:
Early August, you know, it's the fifth.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:05]:
Oh, that's kind of like Jenny always knows the date. She knows when we got married, but I have to remind her. Hey, don't forget, it's Tuesday next week. We both anniversary.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:01:14]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:15]:
But for the first time this morning, our kids did something incredibly sweet.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:01:20]:
It was very.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:21]:
Oh, wow.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:21]:
Very sweet. I think it's worth mentioning they're only.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:01:23]:
Nine and seven, so.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:24]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:25]:
Who led the charge on that cash?
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:28]:
Our nine year old. Oh, my God. So here, I'm gonna start. Can I tell the story?
Kevin Thompson [00:01:32]:
This boy's future wife. Look at him.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:34]:
Look at this. Okay, so last night, for some reason, usually he's just watching shows. We're doing whatever, playing.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:01:39]:
No, we don't let our kids watch shows.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:40]:
No, never. Never after seven. And so he's out there, he's vacuuming. I'm like, you okay, bud? Like, he's never vacuumed. He's cleaning, he's tidying. We have all these little gifts that we're gonna give someone. They're all neatly organized on the table. He's folding blankets.
Blaine Neufeld [00:01:56]:
And I only realized today that was one of his gifts to mom for her anniversary. So the.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:04]:
And Adrienne's like, hey, dad, take notice. This is how it works.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:02:08]:
You didn't teach him.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:09]:
Well done, son. And so they were adamant that the next morning, you guys need to wake up and come down together. Right. You want to share any bit of it or should I just keep going? And. And so I had a couple meetings this morning and I was like, whatever, just anniversary, no big deal. But I canceled those meetings and I felt very good about that.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:30]:
Didn't want to disappoint your son.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:31]:
Yes.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:31]:
Interesting how that works.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:34]:
The wife. Anyway, and so we walk out and then they have got these cut out hearts along the stairs. They've got these letters for us.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:02:42]:
I heard him saying, like, oh, like rose petals. Like, he wanted it to look like rose petals.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:47]:
And I question, where are you watching this stuff?
Kevin Thompson [00:02:51]:
He watched A Bachelor last night and figured out this is how you do it.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:55]:
So super sweet. And now my work is done. That was it.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:58]:
Cool.
Blaine Neufeld [00:02:58]:
I don't have to do anything.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:02:59]:
Like a little. They're like, do we have fruit? And I was like, not really. So we had like old withered grapes, cherries, and KitKat bars.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:08]:
Oh, there you go.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:09]:
In the shape of a heart.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:10]:
Canadian KitKat bars.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:11]:
Can.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:11]:
Can I. Have you not experienced a Canadian?
Kevin Thompson [00:03:14]:
I don't know what that means.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:14]:
Oh, my.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:15]:
Canadians have different Kit Kat bars.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:16]:
Yeah, they're way better.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:17]:
Yes.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:17]:
What?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:18]:
Yeah, we'll bring you one.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:19]:
There's a whole conversation to be had about the quality of chocolate in Canada. Candy bars, I guess they're called. But they're called chocolate bars in Canada.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:27]:
They're called candy bars here.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:28]:
Yeah, right.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:28]:
You don't.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:29]:
What do you call. You call them candy bars?
Kevin Thompson [00:03:31]:
They're not a candy bar.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:32]:
They're a chocolate bar.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:33]:
They're chocolate. They're chocolate and there's a chocolate bar.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:36]:
So a Snickers isn't a candy bar. What type of candy bar do you want?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:41]:
Well, a candy bar.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:42]:
A candy bar would be like candy.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:44]:
Yeah, like nerds. Rope.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:47]:
That's a candy bar in the form of a bar. Anyway.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:50]:
Interesting. I didn't even know that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:03:52]:
But yeah, Kit Kats are way better in Canada.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:54]:
In the current political climate, you might want to start calling it a candy bar. I'm just saying.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:03:58]:
And what do you call here? Soda. We say pop.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:00]:
Yeah, soda pop.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:01]:
No, it's all. So this is regional. So where I'm from, in Arkansas, do you know what it is? It's all coke. And then it's, what type of coke do you want? I want a Dr. Pepper.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:11]:
That makes no sense.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:04:12]:
That's stupid.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:13]:
I'm not saying it makes sense.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:14]:
We love those in Arkansas.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:16]:
I'm just saying that's what it is. It makes sense. Yeah, it is. Because first of all, you're not drinking Pepsi. That's. That's.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:20]:
That's not even a question.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:21]:
No, that's not. No Coke. It's Coke. Cherry Coke or Dr. Pepper. That's the only one you're drinking.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:26]:
A deep, deeper question is, like, the Coke brand originated over there where they're like. They just keep it Coke so that Pepsi never enters that region.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:34]:
It's. I mean, Coke gets a mental thing in Atlanta, so it just kind of oozed out, I guess, from there.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:40]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:40]:
I don't know. Where's Pepsi? Where's.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:41]:
I don't know. Let's find out.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:43]:
What do they drink in Canada?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:04:44]:
Pop.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:45]:
Pop. Pop.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:04:46]:
Not pap pop.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:48]:
No, I got you. So 14 years.
Blaine Neufeld [00:04:51]:
Yes.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:04:51]:
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:52]:
Today we are going to. I wonder. I'm intrigued about cash, if what I mean, to me, my thought is, what Good training. About how to celebrate in the future.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:05:04]:
Yeah. Which is interesting because we aren't big celebrators. And my parents always forgot their anniversary. Their mom would call them and be like, happy Anniversary. And they're like, oh, yeah. So it's not like a culture set in my family.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:18]:
Yeah, we're pretty.
Blaine Neufeld [00:05:19]:
We're pretty. Birthdays are big, big deals. So everybody gets a birthday party, cousins, all the things my mom doesn't.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:05:26]:
But anniversary, they don't really.
Blaine Neufeld [00:05:28]:
My mom will make sure. Yeah, you're right. I don't know. Yeah, I think it is. I think it's. It's a thing.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:33]:
I'm intrigued.
Blaine Neufeld [00:05:34]:
Yeah.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:05:35]:
I don't know where he.
Blaine Neufeld [00:05:36]:
Yeah, we should have them on.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:37]:
Yeah. Oh, let's do it. That'd be interesting, actually.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:05:39]:
That'd be interesting.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:40]:
All right, so.
Blaine Neufeld [00:05:40]:
Hey.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:41]:
So here we are, 14 years. So today I have a few questions for you as we're going to reflect back on your relationship and how that impacts everybody else. But question number one, One thing I do notice it's your anniversary. There's no ring on your finger as you have it on your chin right now. Is that a normal. Like, is that a normal thing or not? And so why not? So if you're manly enough that your hands are big enough that you don't wear a ring.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:06:05]:
He does have large fingers.
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:06]:
I got big fingers with. This call has been developed over here by the game of golf as well. So the ring doesn't necessarily fit the.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:14]:
Finger well, but you know what that means?
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:16]:
No.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:06:16]:
Get a different ring.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:17]:
No, it means you're. You're not gripping the club properly.
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:22]:
Wow.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:23]:
Right. Like, I'm sorry. Hey, welcome to Change the Odds.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:06:27]:
Where are we talking about golf?
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:28]:
Where are we talking about golf?
Kevin Thompson [00:06:29]:
So, yeah, where the calluses are on your hand show where you're gripping and putting pressure, and if they're not in the right spot, it means you're not gripping the club properly.
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:36]:
Wow.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:37]:
I think they. I think they need to be. I think the grip needs to be more.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:06:40]:
Well, that backfired, didn't it?
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:41]:
No, I'm here to learn. I am here to learn.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:43]:
This is fantastic. All right, so. So because you were wearing a ring, that's where the callus.
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:48]:
No. Well, so I would always wear a ring ironically when I played golf.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:52]:
I would take it off on occasion. Rare occasions.
Blaine Neufeld [00:06:55]:
Yeah. And then I started to forget it. I lost it on the golf course. Forgot it in the golf bag. And I'm like, what's the point?
Kevin Thompson [00:07:01]:
You lost your ring?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:02]:
Well, he found it.
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:03]:
I'm just. Yeah, I found it again. But what's the point of putting it on if I'm just going to take it off again for Gol.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:08]:
Right.
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:08]:
So then it stopped fitting. That was another problem. And then it was just.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:13]:
It's uncomfortable for you.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:14]:
This segment brought to you by Enzo Rings. That's right. A rubber wedding ring.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:19]:
That would be a good.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:21]:
What, an anniversary present?
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:22]:
What, an anniversary gift?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:24]:
Yeah. Is it my job to buy him the ring?
Kevin Thompson [00:07:26]:
I'll do it right now.
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:28]:
What do you want? Am I to buy you something?
Kevin Thompson [00:07:31]:
All right, so let's talk gifts for a moment. So do y' all do gifts for birthdays, anniversaries?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:37]:
We're very bad.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:37]:
Or not.
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:38]:
We've gotten to the position. And I'm like, why wouldn't you just tell me what exactly you want?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:44]:
I do. Or I just go buy it?
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:46]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:46]:
Yes.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:07:46]:
Be like, this is from you.
Blaine Neufeld [00:07:47]:
Because there was a year where she has a birthday, early December, and then obviously Christmas comes, so that's a stress in itself. Do I buy her one? Do I buy her many? What do I do? And then now we're in America, so therefore, Thanksgiving, Black Friday. There's the deals. So.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:02]:
And I love a deal.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:03]:
I know.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:04]:
So I want him to buy all the gifts on the Black Friday and.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:08]:
Tell you how cheaply he got them. Yeah.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:10]:
I mean, then you can get more.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:11]:
That's Jenny. That's Jenny.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:12]:
So I have a list. I sent him links like, you should probably buy these now for my birthday and Christmas.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:19]:
So then Black Friday, I didn't realize, ended so quickly. So that deal is over.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:24]:
Black Friday. So she said that one day ended in a day. That's what you Did.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:28]:
Well, then there's Cyber Monday.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:29]:
Oh, yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:30]:
Oh, there was Cyber Monday. Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:31]:
Giving to each day.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:32]:
And so a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to those type of things. Okay, so the deals are gone. Not only are the deals gone, they're sold out. That was too bad. So then I go to the store and I buy full price, and.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:44]:
And that made me mad.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:45]:
She actually didn't want it. She didn't want it.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:47]:
I didn't want it.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:48]:
Oh, wow. Returned.
Blaine Neufeld [00:08:49]:
Yeah, well, I think she kept it.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:51]:
Yeah, well, I mean, you already bought it.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:53]:
I'm wearing it now.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:08:57]:
Yeah, but then you didn't get me anything for Christmas because you got it. You got all the things from my birthday.
Blaine Neufeld [00:09:02]:
No, I got you the gift card to the store.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:04]:
Oh, a gift card.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:05]:
Well, the day after Christmas. Yeah. That's a whole story.
Blaine Neufeld [00:09:08]:
No, she loves gift cards.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:09]:
I do.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:10]:
Really?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:11]:
Because I'm very particular.
Blaine Neufeld [00:09:12]:
She wants that control.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:15]:
Is that the agency dyadic aspect there? Yeah, she wants. But she's scared to assert herself in that way because she wants to keep the peace. So the gift card is now the permission I get to go spend this.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:26]:
Money the way I want to.
Blaine Neufeld [00:09:27]:
She's created a stress in family and friends where it's like, I probably shouldn't buy you a gift because you're just going to return it.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:34]:
That type of person.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:35]:
Oh, I'm like Rachel Green. Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:36]:
Oh, I don't. Who's that?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:38]:
On friends, she returns all the gifts.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:40]:
Sorry, I didn't watch Friends. Neither do we.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:09:42]:
We're good Christians.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:45]:
What kind of pagan house were you watching? I was, you know, watching 48 Hours. So I'm intrigued with couples because for some people, if you didn't buy a gift, that would just be disaster.
Blaine Neufeld [00:09:58]:
Sure, for sure.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:59]:
But for me and Jenny, we, like, we tried it early on. We're like, this is ridiculous. And Jenny's like, I'd rather just buy my own thing. And I'm like, I've already bought it anyway.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:06]:
And I think too, like, it's like he. He will buy me stuff. Just it's not for anything. So, you know, like, if there's something, I'd be like, oh, that would be nice. He'll buy it sometimes.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:18]:
Oh, there you go.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:19]:
So I already feel like he's probably already, you know, gifted me things. It just wasn't today.
Blaine Neufeld [00:10:24]:
Oh, look, it's an ongoing gift.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:27]:
Yes. Yeah, I never buy Jenning anything ever.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:30]:
Well, I mean, I tell him, like, you should buy the Jennet.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:32]:
Okay.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:33]:
It's not like out of his own.
Blaine Neufeld [00:10:34]:
But the worst one I bought was when we were dating. Right. With the pajamas.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:39]:
Yeah. He bought me these pajamas that he shouldn't have bought me because we were dating. But, like, he bought, like, a double xl.
Blaine Neufeld [00:10:47]:
Cause there was no small one.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:10:49]:
That was the only size left. And I'm probably, like, a small or medium. So I pulled out these giant pajamas, and I was like.
Blaine Neufeld [00:10:55]:
But here's the thing. What I needed her to know. I know you wanted those pajamas. I got them for you. Now just go and return them when the right size comes in.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:04]:
Oh, there you go.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:05]:
That's my thought.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:05]:
That was the thought.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:07]:
Yeah. It failed. It was a failed thought.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:11:10]:
Yeah. I see where your mind went, though.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:12]:
It was wrong. That's so difficult when your intentions are so positive and the outcome is so the opposite of it. It's so difficult.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:19]:
And this is 14 years of marriage.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:21]:
Welcome to. All right, so I got some questions for you. 14 years in. So on the wedding ring, does it bother you that he didn't wear it?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:11:27]:
No. It's been, like, basically our whole marriage, and I've just accepted.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:31]:
Look at me. I'm no catch.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:32]:
So there's no threat.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:11:33]:
I'm not worried.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:35]:
I'm only out on the golf course.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:37]:
I can't say, because I'm at the age now where my hands swell a little bit. So that does bother me a little bit. And I've lost my Enzo ring, so I'm gonna do it.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:11:44]:
Oh, you had one?
Kevin Thompson [00:11:45]:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:11:45]:
Maybe there's a two for one special.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:47]:
Like, you work out and you can't.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:11:48]:
I'll buy you both one.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:50]:
So we'll give them to each other. But I love. I tell this story all the time whenever I do a wedding, that whenever Jenny and I got married, she placed this ring on my finger. Right. Made these promises that I now repeat every single week to other people. And I just made the decision. Anytime I touch the ring, I'm going to think about Jenny. And so, like, I'm stressed out or whatever.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:09]:
I just. Or if I just accidentally kind of hit it, I'm like, oh, yeah. I wonder how her.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:12]:
That's like me and my callous here. I just always think about go, well.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:18]:
So he doesn't wear a ring. I don't wear the original ring he gave me.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:21]:
Oh.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:22]:
I wear one that my sister designed because she works at a jewelry shop.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:25]:
Oh, there you go.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:26]:
So we're kind of even.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:27]:
I guess they love each other.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:28]:
It just reminds you of all the promises your sister has made you.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:31]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:31]:
Where is the original ring?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:33]:
I have it. It's in my jewelry thing.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:35]:
Okay.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:35]:
And I have mine.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:36]:
I know exactly. Cause I found it in a box in the. He had no idea where it was.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:41]:
I knew it was with my championship hockey ring.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:44]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:44]:
That's where I knew. I knew that it was with it.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:47]:
You knew.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:48]:
I didn't know where those two rings were, but I knew they were together.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:12:50]:
I ran and I just found them, like, a week ago.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:52]:
So it wasn't my championship ring is with my wedding ring. It was my wedding ring is with my championship. I get it.
Blaine Neufeld [00:12:58]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:58]:
It makes total sense. That's pretty funny.
Blaine Neufeld [00:13:01]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:13:02]:
All right, so I got some questions for you. 14 years of marriage. Here's some things that I want to know. So what is one thing you expected marriage to be or this to be in marriage? Or marriage is like this. And now you're 14 years in, and you're like, how naive I was. It's just not like that. And that's okay. What's one thing that you would look at? Your expectations were one way and reality is a different way.
Kevin Thompson [00:13:24]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:13:25]:
I would start with the positive, if we can. Right. That the expectation was my hope was this. And it ended up being this was. Our foundation was on friendship. And we've truly just continued that. We've talked about that in the past where it's like, I just hope one day when we're old and the kids are gone, we want to be with each other. And that has continued to grow and increase more and more.
Blaine Neufeld [00:13:49]:
I think it's been one area where I was like, oh, this is fantastic. Because we just truly are friends. And then in the times of. Of disagreement, and they can be disagreements, but we know that there's that foundation where we're gonna be coming back to each other. Cause we love each other.
Kevin Thompson [00:14:06]:
What do you think? So, I mean, there's a couple out there right now listening, or one's listening, the other one's not, in which they're like, we're not. Do you. Is that just a personality thing or is it. Are there specific behaviors. The palsy kicked in for a moment. Are there specific behaviors that have led to that, created that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:14:29]:
Okay, so now what sparked is like, what I thought it would be versus now it's different. I think the big rubber, hit the road type of moment was we would have both really wanted our own way of doing marriage. I was career focused. So, yay, I'm gonna go do my job. And then my wife is at home waiting. And, you know, that type of mentality would have been, you know, something. I was like, oh, that's probably what marriage is. And then when you come home and it's not that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:15:00]:
And she has her own dreams and own desires. Well, no, I thought they were my dreams and my desires that we're gonna go follow. Then when that hit. Yeah, we did. Yeah. And when that hit the road, we started to realize, I think a lot of fights come down to just selfishness. So then we became less selfish for our own ambitions and more of a. A couple idea of like, well, no, this is why we want to do this, because this will lead to that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:15:25]:
Are you okay if it leads to that? Yes. Okay, then I'm in on this immediate version of whatever this is. If we can get to that level. And then we got to that level, and then it's like, what's our next dream? What's our next dream to where we move down here? And I feel like the pressure's off because we're just both on a journey together. And there's not, like, this set. I have to make it on Instagram or I have to make it in this. It's just like, no, let's just figure this thing out as we go. And we're unified in that.
Blaine Neufeld [00:15:54]:
So it's been a positive as well. But it took some argumentation. I don't know, some work, some fights.
Kevin Thompson [00:16:02]:
Adrienne, what do you think as far as. What's the key to Yalls friendship? Do you think it just came naturally? The key is you chose to marry a friend. Or is it most people do that? I think over time, here's how we've been able to maintain that and develop it, deepen it, versus some other people who don't.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:16:21]:
I think you're right. I think we chose each other as friends, and that's how it started. Right. Cause when we were dating, we dated for, like, six and a half years, and there were times where I was like, okay, he's the boy next door. He's the only person I've ever dated. How do I know there's not someone else out there? You know, like, maybe across the street, maybe not just next door. And so. Thank you.
Blaine Neufeld [00:16:48]:
Was it humorous? Yeah, it was.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:16:52]:
But I literally remember making the decision be like, hey, I'm just gonna. I love who he is. I love who he helped makes me to be. And that's what I want in a man. Is he perfect? No, but neither am I. But I'm just choosing to get who he is for my life. And I remember that was like, A turning point where I was like, okay, yeah, you know. Cause of course there could have been.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:17:15]:
You know, you can explore the world. But I chose him.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:19]:
Yeah, I think I love that. And I think I was just re listening to a podcast with me and Mark Clark the other day in which I told him to text Aaron I'd choose you all over again. And he thought that was the dumbest thing ever. And he's like, I'm not gonna do that. That'd be so cheesy. I said, no, just try it. Just do it. And he did.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:37]:
And we waited and waited. Finally, the response came in, and she was all grateful for what he. I love those words. I chose him, and I choose him again. But I think. I think there's a couple application points here. One, if you're dating and engaged, marry a friend.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:17:54]:
Do not make sure you have a foundation of friendship.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:56]:
Do not go, oh, I don't want to run the friendship. No, no, that's who you want to date.
Blaine Neufeld [00:17:59]:
That's it.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:59]:
Run the friendship. Take the risk. Because there's such potential if you actually marry somebody that you're friends with. There's just such potential in what's there. And then beyond that, if you are married, this is something you always have to come back to and not only maintain, but build. Because what happens is most relationships start as friendships. You're dating, all those things are exciting, they're fun, and kids come along, career comes along, and that's the place you begin to drift apart, because you're forced to still be partners to figure it out. Right.
Kevin Thompson [00:18:30]:
And the intimacy happens, whatever. But the friendship, for many couples, especially if you look at who your friends are, the stage of life that you're in, what tends to erode first is the friendship. And then what happens is they don't really recognize it or understand, then begins to erode into intimacy, and that's when they understand something's wrong.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:18:54]:
So what are other reasons people get married if it's not friendship?
Kevin Thompson [00:18:58]:
Well, I mean, a huge mistake people make is attraction. Yeah. They just. They get involved sexually so quickly.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:04]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:05]:
That there is this romantic chemistry and not this general. We can go out to eat and have a good time. We can go for a walk and enjoy.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:13]:
It's our favorite thing to do, actually.
Blaine Neufeld [00:19:16]:
Is that why the Bachelor doesn't succeed after the marriage?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:19]:
Oh, the Bachelor of the show.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:20]:
Yes.
Blaine Neufeld [00:19:21]:
No, it's physical attraction.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:22]:
Well, and it's trauma bonding because they do, like, they jump off a building together and like, oh, we have so much in common.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:27]:
Yeah, yeah. No, exactly right. And all the pressure of what's going on around them, it actually doesn't allow their brain to properly filter what's going on and what are the real important issues of life. And so now it is this. I mean, notice it's no accident that the bachelor marriages haven't lasted.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:48]:
I think there's maybe, like, one or two.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:49]:
But I'm just saying, in comparison to the bachelorette marriages. Oh, they have lasted.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:56]:
Oh, really?
Kevin Thompson [00:19:56]:
More, obviously. Not 100%.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:19:58]:
I didn't know that.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:59]:
But if you look, it is more. And here's. Here's my theory. I don't know.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:20:04]:
Ooh, this is juicy.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:05]:
I don't know. But here's my theory. My theory is a guy goes on the show, he has all these beautiful women to choose from, and then he ends up picking one, but his brain is still kind of torn. And now with more fame, he has even more options.
Blaine Neufeld [00:20:21]:
Oh, I see.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:22]:
And so now there's this potential of.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:20:24]:
I could have anyone.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:25]:
I could have anyone, and what's that gonna be like? Whereas for the woman, the bachelorette goes on now maybe prioritizing commitment a little bit more and truly looking for somebody that she can narrow it down. And basically, the guy winning the competition, he's committed to her because she is the crowning achievement. When the woman wins the competition, then the guy's like, well, I can find somebody now. Even I can keep winning better. It's like the male pursuit that's there as opposed to that kind of feminine.
Blaine Neufeld [00:20:59]:
Have you ever seen the show? Totally get that. Have you ever seen the show Big Brother?
Kevin Thompson [00:21:02]:
A long time ago, like, when it first started.
Blaine Neufeld [00:21:04]:
But you understand. So the concept. You're in a house. There's no intimacy. There's not a goal of getting a relationship. But those marriages seem to have lasted a long time because I'm assuming friendship. Friendship. And you're, like, getting to know someone.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:18]:
On a deep level.
Blaine Neufeld [00:21:19]:
There is no physical even availability to do those things because you're being watched all the time, right? So it's just like the deep level of friendship, connection, understanding of, like, this person, and then the stress. My brother always said, like, one way to know that you are the one or this thing is gonna last is like you go on a trip together, you plan a trip together, you go through. He's meaning a stressful scenario. And, like, can you get out of it? How do you fight together? How do you give up certain things for each other? I'm like, that's a great analogy.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:51]:
Well, it's the shared Experience.
Blaine Neufeld [00:21:53]:
Shared experience.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:53]:
Yeah, it's a unique shared experience and that you really are having discovered things about your. And then about this other person, and it's forcing you either to work together or you're gonna be done. So I think that's a brilliant way. I also think just within the dating process, I think the mistake a lot of couples make, especially these days, is so there's maybe this nervousness of we're talking, we're not talking, but once they actually, like, go out on a date, if that actually were to happen, then they're together 24 7. Like, they're constantly texting, they're constantly interacting. And if they would actually go a little bit old school of, hey, we're gonna go to lunch on Monday, and we're actually, I'll text you on Tuesday, but we're actually not gonna be in this extreme conversation until next week. And if they would slow that down just a little bit to make the heart desire it rather than being overwhelmed, I think that would actually help some relationships kind of grow. This friendship we have to see, do I like you or not.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:22:53]:
Yeah. And we had that. Cause we had long distance dating because he played hockey, so we'd have to. And it was before FaceTime and all that, so we would just talk on the phone a lot. And some days we didn't want to. And that was hard too.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:04]:
It was interesting because, like, one person is out having fun with their buddies and they gotta go home and call my boyfriend. Like, meanwhile, I'm sitting alone all night waiting.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:14]:
This is the.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:14]:
How are you doing?
Kevin Thompson [00:23:15]:
The only good part.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:16]:
I'm fine.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:23:16]:
So then the expectations are different on each end of the phone. And you can. That can be tough.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:21]:
That was big time tough at times. Yeah, for sure.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:23]:
So for me and Jenny, we were dating in college in Oklahoma. I moved for the summer to Arizona. She went to Montana to work at Glacier National Park. And so it was. We would write email every day. And so I actually went back and saved all those emails from the summer and gave that to her as a gift on our 10th anniversary.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:23:45]:
Because I feel like that's something Blaine would do. I'd be like, okay, thanks.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:48]:
Yeah, I don't think so.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:23:49]:
What do you do with that?
Kevin Thompson [00:23:49]:
I don't think she cares one bit, but I'll go back and flip through.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:53]:
It was nice.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:56]:
I am.
Blaine Neufeld [00:23:57]:
You know what I think I will do? I won't do this, but it's a good idea. Somebody else should do it. It's like you read them into a video or like some Sort of caption of. And then it's like triggering a few memories and then it's done. But yeah, that's a lot of work.
Kevin Thompson [00:24:09]:
No, but just that ability of this. That was a regular communication, but it was once a day and it was really. I'm going to respond to the email you sent me yesterday and now you're going to receive this response.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:24:22]:
We did that too. Right.
Kevin Thompson [00:24:23]:
And it's a great way to expose kind of the emotional aspect of who you are to understand about the other person. And again, you're allowing the friendship to grow. And we've used this illustration before. What's happening there is the roots of trust are growing at a sustainable rate so that the rest of the plant of the relationship can get the nutrients that it needs. What so many couples do is they don't develop the friendship and the roots that come with that and the relationship takes off at a thousand speed in something else and they can't sustain or support what's going on.
Blaine Neufeld [00:24:57]:
Okay, I got another one. Now we're talking about dating.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:00]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:00]:
I will say this a lot. I wish we were still dating. I love dating. So I thought that you would continue to cuddle and you would make out.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:25:08]:
More when we were married.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:09]:
Oh, yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:12]:
So it's like that idea and I know that is something a lot of us talk about is like, oh, go for a date, do a date night. Like there's value in that. You're just talking about these memories and I'm like, oh man. That's when we were like vulnerable and in love and like trying to figure out what does she want. And now it's just like, see, I'll catch you at 4pm I'll be back after work. Love you.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:25:34]:
Is it on the calendar?
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:35]:
You know, Tuesday. So yeah, makes sense.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:38]:
Business sucks on. I do think within that part of that is also stage of life.
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:44]:
Okay.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:25:44]:
Yep.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:45]:
That now the making out. We can have a different discussion.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:25:48]:
We don't need to.
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:49]:
We need a Barbara.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:50]:
I do think, because the cuddling thing, I mean that's so funny. Who would have thought this would be one of my hot topics?
Blaine Neufeld [00:25:57]:
Yes.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:57]:
But I just think it's so important.
Blaine Neufeld [00:26:00]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:01]:
However, at the stage of life you cuddle a lot.
Blaine Neufeld [00:26:06]:
Oh, yes.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:26:07]:
My three year old, your three kids constantly cuddling me.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:10]:
And so I think what happens is to be very intentional and to recognize Blaine. All right. This is a stage where this isn't going to happen happen as much as I want it to because she is being touched by all these other people. But as they begin to grow out of that.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:26:21]:
My children do not.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:24]:
Random people, as they begin to age out of that a little bit, then I'll probably crave it then to recreate that opportunity. And here it's a very intentional step that has to take place. Because seriously, right now, end of the day, chances are if y' all are just going to, like, just crash on the couch, there's space because you need space. Like, just don't touch me for a minute.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:26:49]:
Thank you for validating.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:50]:
Oh, no, 100%.
Blaine Neufeld [00:26:52]:
And thank you for giving me hope that the future could come and there could be a desire of it when.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:26:57]:
Raya's not on top of me 24 7. I'll probably miss that, you know, and.
Blaine Neufeld [00:27:02]:
Then I'll come to you, buddy.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:05]:
So. But I do think then you become very intentional about. No, whenever we crash on the couch, we're actually crashing into each other. Right. And again, it's not. To me, it's not the teenage making out as much as it is. You're training your body to relax in much the same way. What's the guy who wrote Passionate Marriage? He talks about hugging till relaxed.
Blaine Neufeld [00:27:30]:
Oh, yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:30]:
And so the idea in that is. And Gottman talks about this a little bit. He'll talk about the 60 second hug that. Now you go in and you hug each other. We'll do a hug, right, for five seconds and then move on. But no, no, stay there. Then it gets a little uncomfortable. No, no, stay there.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:46]:
And the next thing you know, your bodies begin to mold into each other, your heart rates begin to lower and get in sync. And then your body, I assume if Barbara's here, she's going to talk about how the oxytocin is released, all those kind of things. And it has this very calming effect. But it's not just a calming effect, it's then a bonding effect. And so whenever I hear about the idea of cuddling, this to me is one of the areas. And I talk about it in my new book that's going to come out next year. Let's just plug that right? Creation of us and the healing nature that we can have for each other. And one of the things many couples are not leveraging as they should, is each other's bodies outside of just a sexual form, but literally in a connection, bonding lower my cortisol levels kind of we're connected and we're resting with this touch that is actually there.
Kevin Thompson [00:28:36]:
The first five minutes whenever you go to bed, the first five minutes whenever you wake up in the morning, relaxing on A couch, simple holding of hands when you're on a car ride, those kind of things to increase that amount of I'm here touch, I think makes a huge.
Blaine Neufeld [00:28:53]:
And I'm seeing all that right now in real time in our kids. So like, dad, hold my hand because I want to be calmed is what they're saying deep down, or safe or whatever. So I'm seeing that their need of it, which is fascinating because we still have those needs. Right. Which is I'm expressing my need for it. But that's interesting.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:29:09]:
You feel calm.
Blaine Neufeld [00:29:10]:
Oh, yeah, baby.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:13]:
I mean, I'm sure people who are listening, if they've heard of this podcast, they've heard it before. So I went through a period of. I was just experiencing this great deal of nauseousness and go to counseling and the counselor's trying to work through what is that's going on. Ruled out all the physical concepts that were there. And one thing that we learned is, look, whenever you're feeling anxious, have a signal with Jenny and she can just literally under. Like if you're at dinner with somebody, she can put her hand on your knee. And it just calms me. Incredible.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:41]:
It's amazing what the body does in that moment when it feels like it's supported. One of the great things about having a child with down syndrome is my 20 year old daughter still loves to hold my hand. And so, I mean, I don't even think about it. Here's what I do think about it on occasion. Sometimes I'll grab her hand and I'll think, man, if this were a neurotypical 20 year old, she would not be holding my hand. This would be weird. But it's so great. Just hold my hand and take off.
Kevin Thompson [00:30:07]:
Sometimes I'll jokingly try to grab Silas and he'll punch me in the face. But yeah, that kind of bonding that is there is such a potential.
Blaine Neufeld [00:30:15]:
So cool.
Kevin Thompson [00:30:15]:
Okay, so let's go the other direction. What's one surprise about marriage so far that you thought, oh, this is different than I expected.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:30:25]:
I thought he'd wear a wedding ring.
Kevin Thompson [00:30:27]:
Yeah, no, absolutely. Of course. You thought he would publicly display his affection for you.
Blaine Neufeld [00:30:34]:
I thought that there would be more stability in terms of our life. We grew up in a very conservative town. You go be a teacher, you have a safe, secure life and for all the right reasons. We're on this wild journey, which I would never, ever change at all, but never thought we would be where we are together, doing what we do.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:30:59]:
So true. Yeah, we probably thought we were both going to be. Well, we both went to school to be teachers. I dropped out because I realized not my calling or gifted.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:07]:
Can you imagine what a great teacher Blaine would have been?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:09]:
He would have been great.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:10]:
Like, he would have been brilliant.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:12]:
Oh, yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:31:12]:
Are we joking here?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:13]:
No, I'm serious. I'm serious.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:15]:
I'm 100% serious about that. It's also a little bit of a joke in the jab that I'm taking Adrienne right now. I never said Adrienne's going to be a great teacher.
Blaine Neufeld [00:31:25]:
Who knows?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:26]:
I know I'm very self aware.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:27]:
But seriously, just how good he would have been at that would have been brilliant.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:31]:
Yeah. So we thought. Because my whole thing was like, I don't know what I want to go to school for. He's going to be a teacher. We might as well have summers off together.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:37]:
Oh, there you go.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:38]:
That was. And then we ended up moving.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:41]:
Yeah.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:41]:
And you're right. We probably thought we were. Yeah. It just turned out we never thought we'd be in California ever, ever, ever, ever.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:48]:
Yeah.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:31:49]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:49]:
And. And, and what's interesting to me is Yoder, the flex here of transitioning careers, transitioning countries. Right. And again, we joke about it, but it's serious of the uncertainty that's there. Immigration and all those kind of things. And yet to see, for a lot of couples, they think, well, our marriage is struggling because there's so much chaos, because all these kind of. And they almost see the marriage as a secondary condition to the circumstances of their lives. When the truth of the matter is, as long as your marriage is good.
Blaine Neufeld [00:32:25]:
Circumstances don't matter where you going really.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:27]:
Don'T matter as much.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:32:28]:
Yeah. And I think even the two moves that we've done have bonded us. Kind of like we were saying, not trauma bonding, but a shared experience. Like we've had to work through it together. And he was the only person I had because I didn't know anyone. And our little family unit feels really sweet and close and special.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:48]:
How long ago do you want to move here to America?
Blaine Neufeld [00:32:51]:
Three years.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:32:51]:
Just about three. But before that we moved to Vancouver, which is like from Manitoba, so halfway across the country to not knowing anyone before we had kids.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:00]:
Manitoba, is that like above Minnesota?
Blaine Neufeld [00:33:02]:
North Dakota.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:33:03]:
North Dakota.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:04]:
Okay. North Dakota.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:33:04]:
It's like moving from North Dakota to California.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:06]:
Okay, okay.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:33:07]:
Or Seattle, I guess.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:08]:
Yeah.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:33:08]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:33:09]:
But it was that first move two years in, where we saw all of our stresses and our fights and it was like she literally would. We're talking. You could drive 24 hours east home straight on the highway. And go. And she's like, why don't I just go? We did long distance dating. Why don't we do long distance marriage?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:33:27]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:33:29]:
Half serious. Like, sadly, because it was such a tension. She's missing that security in that home. And I'm doing this, and I'm doing good at it, and I love it. It's like, no, this is what we should do. Da, da, da. But it was only when we got connected in the church with our group and we felt that cohesion with some friends and some community, and then she started to have the kids, and then we kind of made our own. I think that was interesting for us, coming from a conservative family dynamic where only when we took that step together did we actually grow together.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:02]:
Yeah.
Blaine Neufeld [00:34:02]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:02]:
No, that makes total sense. Would you say that if I were to go back to your wedding day and I were to describe your entire lives to you, would the biggest surprise to you be if I were to tell you, hey, the next two years are going to suck after that is gonna be really good?
Blaine Neufeld [00:34:22]:
That would have surprised us. We would have thought those have been the best years.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:26]:
Yeah, absolutely. And for some they are, but not necessarily. And I think there's such an important lesson within this of let's not. We go through tough years. And sometimes when I do weddings, I'll say that, look, there are gonna be tough years. And notice I said years. I didn't say moments. I didn't say days.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:43]:
I didn't say weeks. I didn't say months. I said years. Not to excuse that. Not to just go, oh, well, it'll get better without. But to see, you know what? We don't have to just look back and go, oh, we made the wrong choice. Let's move separately. No, no, no.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:57]:
Let's be intentional. Y' all went to counseling. What was her name?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:35:00]:
Donna. Donna Lynn.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:02]:
I still want to talk to Donna.
Blaine Neufeld [00:35:03]:
We gotta get her down.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:03]:
I got questions for Donna. But literally now you see this tremendous transformation that took place because you are willing to do the work and stick it out. And that doesn't mean every relationship's gonna work out. I'm not saying that. But it does go to show. Whenever I do a wedding with somebody, I often think, you've heard me tell the story. On our first anniversary, I told Jenny, had I known it would have been this good, we would have gotten married earlier. And Jenny jokingly said, had we gotten married earlier, it may not have been this good.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:29]:
Right. Well, y' all go through this period where the first two years are very difficult. Two different experiences. The outcome is the same. We're both sitting here now, very happy. Us at 25 years, y' all at 14 years with these very satisfying relationships that hopefully are impacting other people now. They just got off to a different start. Doesn't mean there's a right or wrong.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:50]:
It just means this is our journey now to get there. And I think if more couples would have that mindset of, look, there might be some really difficult times early on. We're going to navigate through it, figure it out. I think that can make a big difference.
Blaine Neufeld [00:36:01]:
Yeah. And we recognize the little sacrifices we had to make to make sure the other person was on the same page. And I remember she wrote down somewhere, she's like, we want to be marriage counselors or coaches or this. And suddenly that's becoming a little bit more real now. But our desire, I think, is when couples have a unified plan or a goal or an identity or a vision where I had to give up a fair bit of this. She definitely had to give up the safety and security to take that step into this shared vision. But once you do, suddenly you're like, let's go to war together. And it just tightens you.
Kevin Thompson [00:36:39]:
Right.
Blaine Neufeld [00:36:40]:
And strengthens you.
Kevin Thompson [00:36:42]:
Let's end this way. Let's each of you think about one thing. We'll start with Blaine to give Adrienne more time to think through it. So let's each think. What's the biggest lesson you yourself have learned about what you need to do to make this marriage be successful? What's the lesson that you've learned about not what she needs to do or we need to do, but literally, here's what I need to do in order to make this happen.
Blaine Neufeld [00:37:04]:
I think the thing that I've been aware of over the years is I like to please. I like to be needed and wanted. And I find that when she would get mad at me for this, that, or the other thing, I didn't take it personal. I understood her hurt and her needs. So then I kind of wanted to make sure that I didn't turn back and fight back, if that's making any sense. I wanted to just be there for her. So this understanding, like my identity with Jesus, I think, has strengthened me more so in our last five years of marriage to give her more love. Right.
Blaine Neufeld [00:37:38]:
So I'm not trying to just find her approval in everything. I'm good. But that actually strengthens her to, like, let that out and know that it's a safe spot, but then also say, okay, enough. Let's get moving, and we make each other better that way. I think is. Is something that really helped me.
Kevin Thompson [00:37:55]:
Adrienne, how about you?
Adrienne Neufeld [00:37:57]:
I don't know if this answers the question, but I think I need to make sure he feels needed. Is that your. Your question?
Blaine Neufeld [00:38:04]:
Well, that's my problem.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:05]:
No, that makes sense.
Adrienne Neufeld [00:38:06]:
Yeah.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:06]:
That's the thing you've learned the most, is that you need to learn more about him.
Blaine Neufeld [00:38:09]:
That's a good way to put it.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:11]:
A lot of times we can go into a relationship assuming, oh, I love this guy, he loves me, I've got him figured out. We don't have ourselves figured out. And so to become very inquisitive about what this other person.
Blaine Neufeld [00:38:24]:
That's a great way to put it, really is.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:26]:
And then how can I best meet their needs in meaningful ways? Because whenever that becomes. Whenever that idea becomes reciprocal in relationship, it's powerful. So last night, right, Been traveling, get in very late. And so this morning, Jenny kindly makes me bacon and eggs every morning. Wow.
Blaine Neufeld [00:38:47]:
Every morning?
Kevin Thompson [00:38:48]:
Every morning. So I go out on the deck and eat those with her. She's going to stay out on the deck, kind of do her quiet time. I'm going to come to the office, and I come back in, and the kitchen is just a mess, right? So day one, married Kevin, right? I've been out of town. I didn't benefit from that kitchen being messy one bit, Right. She probably made meals I wouldn't even eat anyway. But 25 years, you know what would help her? If I just took five minutes and just walked over there, cleaned it, put it in there, and left. What am I communicating in that moment? I see you.
Kevin Thompson [00:39:24]:
I'm not, you know, I don't think all this is on you. You got a busy day, I got a busy day. And just that one little thing of insight of what's important to her. I mean, she has said before, I think they might be in Friends, partners and lovers, where I talk about early on in our relationship, I told her, I wish women were as easy as men in that at least, you know, the one thing that I need to be satisfied. And she goes, oh, no, we have one thing. And I said, what? And she goes, clean the kitchen. Like, it was literally that clear. Like, clean the kitchen.
Kevin Thompson [00:39:54]:
And so I'm like, I'm cleaning the kitchen, right? To make her feel that kind of support. Well, Blaine and Adrienne, what a privilege it is to be one of your friends to get to do this. I feel like. I feel like now school's about to start as we're recording this, we're about to kick off season two of Change the Odds podcast. I think that's where we're gonna love it. So we're gonna have a great time and look forward to it. Thanks so much for watching. Hey, click the subscribe button.
Kevin Thompson [00:40:16]:
You have no idea what we have planned for this next season. Why don't you? Why? Because we don't know yet. But it's going to be brilliant. So subscribe, comment, and we'll see you next time. Change the Odds.