Kevin Thompson [00:00:00]:
Hey, welcome back to Change the Odds podcast, where marriage and family were never meant to be a game of chance. My name is Kevin Thompson, and today I'm with nobody.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:06]:
That's right.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:07]:
Blaine and Adrienne had fled the country. It is just me. Hey, we are here in the middle, as we're filming, in the middle of.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:13]:
What we call Breakaway here at Bayside.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:15]:
So it's a series of kids camps that are going on. Thousands of kids are on the campus right now. And so during these little three weeks in which we're gonna be away entertaining your children, we are going to show you several messages that I have preached within the last year or so. Not only here at Bayside, but then also what I love about this is you're gonna hear some of the content you've heard Blaine, Adrienne and I discuss, but now you're gonna get it packaged in a little bit different way. And it's a great way to not only review some things that we've said before, but then also to really dive in and maybe see some new ideas. And so what we're gonna look at today is back in our For Better or Worse sermon series from a year ago, two years ago, on this idea of marriage. I talk about God's design in marriage and it's really kind of the first of a two part series. We'll look at something similar next week.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:05]:
But whenever we think about this idea of the two become one now, I think generally speaking, the church gets it wrong one way and secular culture gets it wrong in another way. And God's truth is somewhere in a different space. And so here's what tends to happen in secular culture. The idea of the two becoming one is anathema. Nobody wants to become one, Submit themselves, sacrifice in no way. And so apart from God, many people run marriage as two individuals and they never create this third entity of the marriage itself. There's a great danger of them just kind of devolving into living parallel lives. Well, inside the church, there's an equal danger.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:43]:
And the danger is we know that Jesus talks about how the two will become one, and we wrongly conclude that the one now eliminates the two to where marriage is the only thing. And what happens is you get a couple that is enmeshed, and neither of those outcomes are what we desire. We want neither enmeshment to where I lose a sense of myself, Jenny loses a sense of herself. Nor do we want to live parallel lives. Instead, we're going to look at the image today of that of the triangle that it is as Jenny flourishes and I flourish, and then together we create something new and unique. You have this kind of three pronged entity, and that's how marriage truly begins to flourish. So text this to your spouse, have them listen to it as well. Consider how can I do better for me, how can my spouse do better? How can we together create something different? And I hope this is a great encouragement to you as you and I try to change the odds.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:36]:
Dan Siegel is a psychiatrist at ucla. And in studying the brain, he's trying to figure out what is it that makes the brain function in a proper way. And what he has figured out is that when the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere, whenever they are integrated properly, there is a healthy flow of information and energy, and that is when the brain is functioning as it should. And yet, whenever there is some sort of trauma, whenever there is some type of disease, whenever there is some type of malformation that goes on between the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere, they are no longer integrated properly. And that lack of health then expresses itself in one of two ways. It either expresses itself in a chaos or a rigidity. And what Dan Siegel has gone on to figure out is that's not just true of the brain. That's true of every complex system, the body, every relationship, marriage, parenting, churches.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:42]:
That whenever we function the way that we should, we take these complex systems, these things that have different expertise and different focuses, and we bring them together into the same purpose and the same desire and move in the same way. And whenever that functions in a proper way, each business industry is working together. Each group within a church is working together, expressing their different gifts and yet working together, integrated. Whenever that happens, there's an energy, there's a power, there's a free flow of communication. Information is going right. But whenever that breaks apart, we either side into chaos or into rigidity. We actually know this here at Bayside. We actually protect from one of these here at Bayside.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:27]:
There's a line. You might hear it tomorrow night at Growth Track. This idea that impact Trump's process, what we're saying in that moment is we will not become so rigid that we bow down to rigidity. Instead, we want to make sure that we're staying in a healthy, integrated kind of way. I wonder, as you look at your relationships, as you look at your family, as you look at your marriage, where do you fall? How does information flow in your workplace? Is there healthy communication? Is there good collaboration? Or does one department know something that another department has no idea about and they need to know it how's the energy? Have you come to a standstill? Or do things move so quickly that nobody in their right mind can keep up? What about you as a person? I very clearly, if I'm not working in an integrated, healthy way, I very clearly lean toward rigidity. Others of you might lean toward chaos. As we're going to talk tonight about relationships and specifically begin to look at the differences that God has created within us, with the biggest one being this idea that God created some to be male and some to be female. And within that complexity, as we begin to work together, what we're going to see, I think, is that there are places in which whenever we work in an integrated manner, things happen very healthily.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:03]:
But whenever disintegration happens, we either go to chaos or rigidity. As a matter of fact, on this issue of sex, of male and female, culture is in chaos, denying that it even exists, pretending as though it's something you discover for yourself. It's something that you have to feel for yourself and pick whichever is one that you want. And so literally at this moment, many of our students are in chaos because culture is not living in a healthy way. And yet the church. The church has kind of leaned toward rigidity, sometimes holding on to some old concepts of what it meant to be a man or a woman, thinking that it's scripture, not recognizing that what was actually taking place in that moment was just culture kind of oozing into who we are. And I think what we're going to find tonight is that when you and I accept that God has made us differently, that the very thing that many couples believe is their greatest threat is actually their greatest opportunity. And we're going to turn to an old passage here tonight that we've seen before in Genesis 1:26.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:18]:
And so as we look at this here on the screen, anytime I read Scripture, one of the things that I like to do is I like to notate anytime that we're talking about God. And so I will literally just draw a little triangle in that moment to say, all right, this is about God in this moment. And I like to pick that up. It helps me see and remind myself that Scripture is primarily about Him. And so we have then God said, let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and over the birds of the sky, over the livestock and the wild animals, and over all the creatures the that move along the ground. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God. He created them male and female, he created them. Now, notice something really fast whenever it comes to this text.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:15]:
First of all, this is a text about the creation of mankind. And yet, who is this text primarily about? God. It leaps off the page. And without us notating it, if we're not very careful, we might miss that picture of what is taking place. And yet, as God created humanity, he says, all right, I'm going to create them in my image. And yet in so doing, what he did in that moment is he created us male and female. So from the very get go, we have these differences in the sexes to, I think, in part to remind us that God has created us different in a thousand different ways. And so literally, there is a physical difference that cannot be denied, that has to be admitted in that moment, appreciated in that moment.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:55]:
And that is just a precursor of a thousand differences that are gonna take place in every aspect of the relationship. And to the extent that you and I can integrate those differences, we can thrive. But when you and I begin to deny them, or even worse, whenever we begin to think that other people need to be more like us, that's when there is a great deal of danger. So let's consider what does a good marriage look like? What is it? If we were to picture it in this moment, what does it look like? Many people would say a good marriage looks like this, that that's the illustration of a good marriage. It's just a oneness, right? And so the two come together as one. And there's a great argument for this. Jesus quoted Genesis, Genesis chapter two is going to say this very thing. This is the reason man shall leave his Father and mother and.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:44]:
And the two shall become one flesh. And there's no question that there's an aspect of oneness whenever it comes to marriage. But in my opinion, this is how the church often gets relationships wrong, is this is not a good image of marriage. Instead, let's go back to what we were just looking at. And that concept of the equilateral triangle. This has always been a symbol of God. This is the symbol of the Trinity. And so we have the idea of the Father, the Son and the Spirit.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:20]:
And this is a great image of what the Trinity now is all about. So the Father is not the Son, the Father is not the Spirit, the Spirit is not the Son. It shows now uniqueness. It shows God in three persons, and yet a unity that is there as well, that unity that now comes together. And whenever I think about the concept of marriage, I think we have this very same kind of image. That we can use here, that whenever it comes to marriage. And I think about a healthy marriage, I think about the concept of there's me, there's her, and there's us. And so, yes, there is this idea of oneness.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:59]:
There is no doubt. But the oneness does not mean that I lose my sense of self. The oneness does not mean that Jenny no longer exists. And so in the exact same way the Trinity, God is one. And yet in the midst of that oneness, you can still be three distinct beings and still be one at the same time. In the exact same way, husband and wife can come together and be one while at the same time not losing their own sense of identity. And what happens in many couples, in many relationships, is we do not have a marriage that has the full fullness of what's supposed to be. Do you know why they chose the triangle? You know why theologians chose the triangle as a symbol for marriage? I mean, as a symbol for God.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:39]:
It's because of the stability of it. A wide base. It can reach high, it can reach wide. There's a strength that is about it which begins to communicate to us that whenever we recognize my own sense of self and also a sense of unity with Jenny, an usness, there is a me, but there also is a we. There also is a her. And to the extent that all three of those exist within our lives, a relationship can be strong and it can thrive, and it can flourish. But whenever we begin to lose this, many relationships begin to look somewhat, somewhat different. You can have some that that's all there is.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:30]:
There's no real connection. There's just the two of them. They're now living these parallel lives. Some believe that this is just the power of what a good relationship with just a total oneness. And while oneness is good, here's what I know. This comes across like a very healthy relationship. But give it some time. Give it some time.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:53]:
If you can't distinguish yourself from your spouse, if you can't distinguish your emotions from the emotions of the other person, then over time, what's gonna happen is you're gonna wake up one day and begin to ask the question, I don't even know who I am anymore. Who am I? And when all you have is a oneness, an enmeshment in that moment, then when one of you is in need, the other one can't serve the other one. The other one can't use their strength to help the other one. But instead, when one of you is in need, both of you is this Is not a picture of a healthy relationship for others. There is this sense of connection, but there's nothing else. There's no sense of us whatsoever. And how you impact me and how I impact you is great, but there is nothing beyond themselves. Some have very few differences, and there is this sense of us, but it becomes a very top heavy relationship that could very easily be toppled.
Kevin Thompson [00:13:56]:
In many ways, for a lot of people, the relationship looks something like this. And one partner is carrying all the pressure of what's taking place. And it becomes a parent child relationship where one spouse is having fun and not taking any responsibility for anything that's going on. And life just seems to work in some way for them. And yet the one partner has all the pressure that is taking place in that moment. And yet I think God has given us a drastically different picture of what a healthy marriage looks like. And it is this concept of me, of her, and of us. And when all three of those are present within the relationship, when all three of those are now thriving and flourishing, when I have my own distinctness from Jenny, and there are strengths that I have and strengths that she doesn't have, and there are weaknesses that I have and weaknesses that she doesn't have.
Kevin Thompson [00:14:59]:
And together we create something that is beyond ourselves. And there's a mission and a purpose that is beyond ourselves. And yet we still have our own sense of individuality. All. All at the same time. There is a strength and a stability in that relationship that nothing can overthrow. But when she loses her sense of self, or I lose my sense of self, or there isn't something beyond us, then in that moment, we are just kind of left adrift in the wind. And so tonight's message has just one point.
Kevin Thompson [00:15:31]:
You're not about to go home. Don't worry. But it does just have one point. And it's simply this. That. Unifying similarities. Unifying similarities and respected differences produce a thriving marriage. Unifying similarities.
Kevin Thompson [00:15:56]:
So notice it begins with this concept of some things that draw us together. There does have to be some commonality in what is taking place here. And so these unifying similarities, for me and Jenny, it is our love for one another. It is our love for Jesus. It is the concept that we're gonna care so much about this relationship that we're gonna give all of our energy and all of our effort that we are gonna be adults in the relationship. And one isn't gonna have more responsibility than the other. We're each gonna play our own roles. Mark talked a couple weeks ago about friends, partners and lovers.
Kevin Thompson [00:16:30]:
That it's a healthy way to make. It's a great outline. He did a great job with that. And so he talked about this idea. It's what makes a marriage strong in many ways. Whenever I talk about the idea of partnership, I think about this concept that if I were to start a business, if I were to start a business and I was going to have a partner, what kind of partner would I want? Well, I would want somebody who was going to care just as much about the business as I do. They were going to work just as hard, put in just as much energy and effort, put in just as much capital as I was. They were going to be equally invested in what is taking place.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:05]:
But then I would want somebody who has a skill set radically different than mine. Radically different? Why? Because the more different our skill sets under a unified purpose, the greater our company, the more opportunity we have to be successful. I don't need somebody who looks just like me. I need somebody who's radically different than me, but has the same amount of passion and effort and desire for everything that is taking place. That's the very same thing whenever it comes to powerful relationships. The more differences you can have under unifying similarities, the more powerful you can be. But if you don't have those unifying similarities, the differences will destroy you. Without unity, the differences will destroy you.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:54]:
They will irritate you, they will frustrate you, they will initially attract you, and then they will repel you. Some of you have had some of those relationships. You can tell by the groan that just happened in the room. But here's the thing. Unity without differences will bore you. You don't want to be in a relationship just with yourself. There have to be differences that are taking place. And the greater we can establish the differences under unifying similarities, the more powerful our relationship can actually be.
Kevin Thompson [00:18:28]:
God, knowing this from the very get go created us male and female. How much more different can you get? Now, society likes to deny this. Apparently those experts have never raised children, because we know from the get go that there is just a difference in what is going on. And yet the male female is just one example of a plethora of differences. And when you and I can respect the skills of our spouse and respect that they are different than from who we are, we have a tremendous opportunity to then thrive in that moment. But do you recognize that many couples see their differences as a threat? I hear it so often. We're just so different. That's the reason the relationship is ending.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:25]:
We're just so different. Well, okay, differences can kill you. So do you both love each other? Well, yeah, we did at one time. Or are you both acting in an adult way? Yeah, we generally are. Are you both contributing to the household and what's going on? Yes, we both are. Well, if you have these unifying similarities, then the differences in this moment should actually strengthen you. But instead, they threaten us. And in so doing, we allow what could be our greatest potential for success to actually begin to kill our relationship.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:02]:
One of the greatest strengths that Jenny and I have is we are radically different. We were moving here, we're gonna buy the house here. And so because of everything that was going on back in Arkansas, I couldn't fly in. And so Jenny flew out to make the biggest financial decision of our lives. Flew out to do that, Flew in on a Sunday, attended church here on a Sunday, made an offer on house on Wednesday. We had a signed contract on Thursday. She flew back then to Arkansas. All I could do was watch over pictures and speak over the phone.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:34]:
How is it that one of us can make the largest financial decision of our entire lives? It's because I respect her and I trust her. I know we have these unifying similarities. We are equally invested in the well being of this family, the well being of this relationship. She has skills that I respect, that I trust that. Yes, we had these great conversations of what's our economic window, what can we do? And she knew all those things. And she would never do anything to leave me out. She would never trick me or manipulate me in any way. And so literally I was able to stand back and say, okay, go get it.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:09]:
That was her strength, and she could do it. And she negotiated it. Then she did a great job on it. She's then flying back that Thursday and she's actually gonna fly to Houston, Texas, where I was doing a marriage conference. And so all the chaos going on with the move and all these things, it was going to be a great time to be in Houston, just the two of us, before we moved to California. And the chaos of pastoring you people kicked in, right? So she calls me panicked. I'm already in Houston. She calls me panicked.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:34]:
She goes, kevin, I've lost my driver's license. I said, well, that's an issue. So I said, where was it last? And she said, I had it on the shuttle. I said, okay, not a problem. I said, go to a courtesy phone, call the shuttle, they will locate the id. She goes, kevin, I know that, but I'm going to miss my flight. I said, okay. I said, are you Traveling with my backpack.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:56]:
We always have one backpack that we travel with. And she said, yeah, I have your backpack. Why? I said, second pocket in the zipper, three rows down, there's a folding envelope. Open it up, and inside of that is your passport. She said, kevin, why do you have my passport in your backpack? I said, in case you ever lose your license. I knew I know her, right? She always carries her Discover card and her ID in her pockets. And I mean, it's unfair not being a man. Didn't have a wallet like you always keep.
Kevin Thompson [00:22:36]:
Anya and I know, and they always slide out. And I never wanted to be traveling with her when she couldn't get on the plane because I'd feel really bad, me getting on the plane and her not being able to. And so without telling her, because what was the point of telling her? I put her passport in my backpack, knowing I would always have a way to get her on the plane. She can buy the house, I can get her home. Those are differences. Differences that without unifying similarities, could drive you crazy. But with unifying similarities, multiply your effectiveness and your power. Whenever I talk about partnership, I have people stand back to back and I talk about the idea of.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:25]:
I can scan the horizon 180 degrees this way, looking for threats and opportunities. And she can scan the horizon 180 degrees this way, looking for threats and opportunities. And if we need the attention of each other, we can call on one another. But there are times in which we're not available to one another. And I fully trust and respect her to take care of what it is that she needs to take care of. A couple weeks ago, school got started. I was out of town, had no phone contact whatsoever, and she had to make a couple of major decisions while I was gone. Whenever I came back home, we discussed those decisions.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:55]:
And in that moment, I had no even thought or even inkling of an idea that. That I would critique any of those. Why? Cause I wasn't there. She made the best decision she could in the moment, and I trust her fully and completely in that. And so I'm not gonna show up later and second guess her and doubt her and question her in some way. I respect her and I trust her. We are different people. She can make those decisions.
Kevin Thompson [00:24:18]:
And so whenever it comes to parenting, sometimes we lean on each other in that way. We parent in different ways. I'm much more laid back, much more. They'll figure it out. They'll find something to eat. If they're cold at school today, they'll pick up a jacket tomorrow. She's a type A mom. I mean, it is everything.
Kevin Thompson [00:24:38]:
We gotta make sure everything's going. And she's wrestling around and going around. And there are times, there are times in which I'm parenting one of our kids and I'm struggling and I say, hey, Jenny, you take care of that. And so they haven't accepted the passive approach. Well, stand back, my friend. You're about to get the aggressive approach. And then there are other times in the midst of her aggression of trying to move them in the right way, it's not working in some way. And so she'll turn to me and she'll say, hey, Kevin, take care of that.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:07]:
And I'll do nothing. And it will take care of itself. But we can leverage each other. And if it doesn't work, it's not like we then make fun of the other. No, no. We have these unifying similarities. But then there's this level of respect. Do you respect your spouse? You see, if there's not trust and respect, that's a red flag in your relationship.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:38]:
I'm not saying it's over, but I am saying you're probably going to get professional help for that. And yet if there is this level of trust, I know she's going to treat my heart right. I know she is for me and she loves me. And there's this level of respect. She has skill, she has intelligence, she has perception. I mean, think about how foolish this is. Think about how foolish it is not to respect the decision making of your spouse. You're one of their decisions that hopefully should prove to you all right, they can make some good decisions on occasion.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:24]:
For me, it really is the only thing that casts doubt on Jenny. But when respect is there, then there is a potential now to thrive in ways we can't imagine. But this male, female difference, the differences that we have in personalities and temperaments and backgrounds and understandings, it's not just saved the marriage relationship. This should be one of the strengths of the church as well, that we should learn in this place to trust and respect one another and to recognize that God has made us as different people and there are different skill sets that other have and not to be threatened in that in any way whatsoever. When somebody can sing and you can't sing, that's not a threat to you. That's a building up of the body of Jesus Christ. When somebody can preach in a way that you can't preach, that, that's not a threat to you. That's a building up of the body of Jesus Christ.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:11]:
And we should have these diverse gifts that we are learning to leverage for the well being of this church and to leverage for the well being of the community. And yet, if we're not very careful, if we're not operating in a healthy way, integrated now, together, we will either turn to chaos or rigidity. And this culture has turned to chaos. And you look at how many denominations are turning to rigidity at this moment, we cannot do that. Instead, we must learn to appreciate and love one another. We were at a staff training a couple months ago. It was all the campus pastors and various people. I got invited into the room and one of the trainers said, okay, here's what we're going to do.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:45]:
I'm going to list off some traits. And whichever side you are on this, you either go that way or that way. And so they came to an idea of, okay, I either like things to be really flexible or really planned out. And so I started walking this way and there's a lot of traffic and so I started walking this way and I get over to my side and it was me and all my friends. It was me and all the campus pastors and everybody else was on the other side of the room. And one of them smarted off to me and said, hey, Kevin, you might want to start working on your resume. You kind of stand out here. I said, man, not me.
Kevin Thompson [00:28:25]:
The way I see it, they got 20 of you, they only got one of me. You see, in a culture in which differences are threats, in which fear is ruling who we are, when fear rules us, if you're different from me, you're a threat. But if love compels us, if you're different from me, you're an opportunity. You can show me something that I don't know. Do you know that John Gottman says that whenever it comes to fights between couples, there are two different types of problems. There are resolvable problems and unresolvable problems. So there are resolvable problems. There is a right and a wrong.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:03]:
There's an actual way that you're supposed to do this. And then there are these unresolvable problems that actually there is no right or wrong. What's happening in that moment is it's just a different perspective, it's a different background, it's a different understanding. There are multiple ways to load a dishwasher. There's two ways. There's two ways to load a dishwasher in my house. Jenny's way and the wrong way, right? And so those are the. But What Gottman says is that couples so often don't recognize that some of their problems are not resolvable because they're not built on right and wrong.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:37]:
And they are fighting, trying to say it's right and wrong. So I need to get you on my side not recognizing that it's an unresolvable problem because that other person, just coming from a different background and perspective, and what you need to do in that moment is instead of trying to get them on your side, you need to try to figure out why they see the world the way that they do, and they can teach you, they can train you, and you can be better together. Do you know what percentage of fights couples have are unresolvable? 70%. 7 out of 10 of the things that you will fight about this week are not an issue of right or wrong. He grew up differently than you did. She has a different personality than you have. And what initially attracted you to that person, you should now see as a tremendous opportunity to grow and to develop and to learn from and to say, help me understand it that way. Jenny grew up in rural Oklahoma on a farm, the daughter of a mechanic.
Kevin Thompson [00:30:39]:
My hands have never seen hard labor in my life. And together we have these drastically different perspectives on life, and yet they are all submitted under these beautiful, unifying similarities that we love each other and we're for each other, and we want what's best for one another. And so whenever she sees the world in a different way than I do, I don't see that as a threat to me. I see that now as an opportunity to grow. For 15 years back in Arkansas, I had a friend that was on staff with us. He was our children's pastor, then our executive pastor, Matt. He has a great personality, tremendous friend, and he just has this way about him that's so radically different than me. I'm an introvert.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:26]:
He's an extrovert. I'm extremely reserved. He's anything but reserved. And we spent so much time together that over time, I began to watch as he kind of rubbed off on me in certain ways. And there would be times in which I would act out in a way that I never would have acted out. And one of the examples that I have of that is he had this. He would jump into situations where I would stand back. If he saw a conflict in a restaurant, if he saw something going down out in culture, he would pull his car over, he'd get out and say, hey, how can I help? Well, about 15 years after working with him, I'm Taking Silas.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:58]:
Silas is really school, really small. I'm taking him to school. And as we're going to school, I notice the car next to me. The guy is driving like this. And I'm like, silas, something is wrong there. And so I get in behind him, and this guy's all over the road. I call 911 and I report what's going on. And we follow him all the way.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:17]:
He's having a major medical issue. And he pulls in the parking lot. And I pull in the parking lot. I jump out, I get his car stopped. The police are there by that time. They get him an ambulance. They take him off. I take Silas to school.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:27]:
I pick Silas up from school at the end of the day. Now we're driving home. As we're driving home, I see commotion in the road. I can't figure out what's going on. It's a hit and run. Somebody has hit a child. I stop. The child's being taken care of.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:40]:
He's gonna be okay. I said, hey, you got him? And the guy says, yes. I get in my car, I flip around, I get back, and I take off to chase the car down of the person to get the license plate. And as we're going, Silas goes, who we chasing now, Daddy? And it struck me, this is Matt. This isn't me. I would never do this. But after 15 years of watching somebody so differently than me, it began to rub off on me. Now, did I lose my identity? No.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:09]:
Did my personality change? No. But who I was grew a little bit because of the differences of this other person. And do you recognize that whenever you have these unifying similarities, that you can begin to help one another grow and mature and develop? And literally, what you think is your greatest threat today might very easily be your greatest potential. Do you remember your first kiss? A lot of us have a first kiss kind of story. Jenny and I were dating in college. And for a long time she denied that she was dating me. So I thought we were, like, already engaged. And she wasn't even admitting that we were dating yet.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:00]:
And so one night I was over at her house, just right there off campus. And I knew that this was kind of the moment that we needed to find the relationship. And so we were having a conversation, a talk about what the relationship was like and how it was going. And she was talking about how indecisive she can be and how things, you know, sometimes she just has a difficult time making up her mind. And I waited until just the right song got on the radio. Eric Clapton you look wonderful tonight. And I finally said, well, maybe it's just time to help you make a decision. And I leaned in for that first kiss, and she laughed at me.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:48]:
I had never kissed anybody in my life, and she laughed at me. Hey, could y' all come to tomorrow's service and do that right there? Well, once she finally calmed down with the uncomfortableness, she eventually kissed me back. And the song that was playing in that moment was George Strait's we really Shouldn't Be Doing this. But that kiss forever changed my life. You know, we talk a lot about first kiss stories, and there's a lot that can be told about what your first kiss was like. But do you recognize that there's another type of kiss? I see it as a pastor. It's the last kiss. Marriage is not for eternity.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:43]:
It is one of God's beautiful gifts to us here on this Earth, a picture of what is to come. And eternity will not be lesser because we won't be married. It will be. Every relationship will be greater. But this is a unique moment on Earth. I watched it as I wheeled my grandfather in, married for 70 years, lifted him up, and allowed him to kiss my grandmother one last time. I've seen it in hospice wards and hospital rooms and funeral homes. A day is going to come in which either Jenny and I will kiss each other for the last time.
Kevin Thompson [00:36:27]:
And in that moment, one of us will release the other into the arms of God. And in that moment, her differences will not be a threat to me. All the petty things that we've argued about or fought about or thought about will all be minimized. And in that moment, the only thing that will truly matter is we loved each other, we were for each other, and we trust God with one another. I wonder tonight, wherever you are, in whatever relationship you are in, if you would begin to think about what eternity is going to be like. And in light of that, make the choices you're going to make. Either get to work on that relationship or begin to recognize that I'm walking in a way that God would not have me walk. And so I'm gonna end this relationship that does not align with what his word has to say.
Kevin Thompson [00:37:25]:
But if you've made an earthly commitment to one another, then I'm gonna do everything in my power to humble myself, to grow and to learn of my own accord, to unite with this other person, to create this sense of us. And now say, let's do everything we can to bring glory to God. Because a day is gonna come and in which is gonna come to an end. And in that moment, I want with all humility and understanding to say, dear Jesus, thank you for her. Thank you for this life. And I now either trust myself with you or I trust her with you. And if she and I have the ability to do that, I'm not convinced that much else in this life is gonna matter.