Kevin Thompson [00:00:00]:
Hey, welcome back to Change the Odds, the podcast where marriage and family were never meant to be. A game of chance. Kevin Thompson here once again, all by myself, because just like last week, we're in the midst of kids camps here. It's summertime, right? And so we're entertaining thousands of children on the campus of the church in these few weeks. So while we're doing that, we're kind of looking back in this past year at several times in which I've been at other locations communicating in some way about marriage. And today we're going to go into the worship center at Shelter Cove Community Church in Modesto, California, where we have some great friends who are down there. In this past year, they asked me to come down and to speak on God's design and our delight. And in this message, we're really gonna kind of focus in on this idea of differences.
Kevin Thompson [00:00:41]:
How do we deal with differences with each other? Cause here's the way the truth is, what causes a bad marriage to really struggle? Differences actually causes a good marriage to flourish. You see, the truth of the matter is that a strong marriage actually has very radical differences between. But they leverage those differences to their own benefit and not to their own detriment. Now the challenge is to figure out what are the differences we need to value and what are the differences we need to have as warning flags and say we can't accept that in any way. But if you and I in our relationships can have these core values that are the same, then everything else that is different actually becomes an opportunity for us to have a bigger toolbox, more different ways to accomplish things and go about things. Jenny and I are radically different in many ways, and that is one of our great strengths. So make sure you follow and subscribe on YouTube, on Apple, give us a review. Send this to your spouse, send this to a friend.
Kevin Thompson [00:01:41]:
As we look at what is God's design and how can it be our delight if you have. I was hoping you do. Psalm 139 is where we're going to be today. I'm a golfer and I got a golf invitation to a place I never expected to get an invitation. It was spectacular. I get home and my 16 year old who doesn't care a thing about golf but wants to appease his dad, says, okay, dad, how good was it? And I said, well, in my favorite days of all time, marrying your mother, the birth of your sister and today. And he goes, well, what about me? And I said, well, you seen one kid born, you seen them all, right? But if you're a parent in the room. Do you remember holding your child for the first time? I remember Ella 19 years ago.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:21]:
Right. We had been married for five years. Strategically planned. This is when we want to have a child. It worked out in those ways. Nine months of perfect pregnancy. That's how a man would describe it. And then a day of labor.
Kevin Thompson [00:02:35]:
And now I'm holding Ella in my arms. I cleaned her up, wrapped her up, gave her to me. The doctors were finishing up with Jenny. I'm holding her in my arms, and I could feel in that moment, think about her name. Ella Katherine Thompson. Ella, my grandmother's name that I was so close to, But Ella Katherine Thompson. It was because all good authors have three names. And so the idea was maybe one day she'd go on and, unlike her father, write books that people read.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:01]:
And so that was the hope. And so all these expectations are pouring in in that moment for reason. I feel like the spirit kind of placed it on my heart. I just prayed, God, do not allow me to try to live my life through her, to have all these expectations upon her. Let me learn who she is and love her for who she is and lead her where she needs to go. Now, many of you know the story that just a couple hours later, a pediatrician walked in the room and gave us a diagnosis that we did not expect, that Ella has Down syndrome. And all of our expectations of what parenting and life would look like were changed somewhat. But even in the change, I didn't have to change because God had already given me the pathway.
Kevin Thompson [00:03:43]:
He was answering my prayer already. Before I even knew what to ask. He'd already told me what to ask. All right, God, who is she and how can I lead her now? And it's interesting to me that, you know, three or four years later, he's the second child. I don't remember his birthday. But a couple years later, when her brother was born, I found myself praying the same thing, even though all the genetics were typical. God, show me who he is. Let me love him.
Kevin Thompson [00:04:10]:
That's a great way to parent. That would be a great way to live. What would it look like if instead of impressing on other people our expectations and assuming they should see the world the way that we see it, they should do what we do? What would it look like if we had the ability, trusting the sovereignty of God, knowing his great design and handiwork in the midst of this creation? What if we begin to try to figure out, who are you and how can I love you? Well, that's what we're gonna look at today in Psalm 139. I love what Pastor Jeremy did last week. And so why don't we stand at the reading of God's word, listening to God's word within this psalm. Let's recognize that we're gonna have a sermon today on a very specific topic, so we're gonna take just a couple of these verses. But this psalm is much larger than us. There's thousands of sermons we could preach just from this one psalm.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:02]:
And so even at the read God's Word as generations before us have listened to God's Word, let's just pray that the Spirit would speak to us even at this reading. And as we listen Psalm 139, I'm going to be reading in the NIV. You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out, my lying down. You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it completely.
Kevin Thompson [00:05:33]:
You hem me in, behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to obtain. Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me. Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, surely the darkness will hide me, and the light will become night around me. Even the darkness will not be dark to you.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:03]:
The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know it full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before even one of them came to be.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:31]:
How precious to me are your thoughts, God. How vast is the sum of them. Where do I count them? They would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you, God, would slay the wicked away from me. You who are bloodthirsty, they speak of you with evil intent. Your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who Hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you.
Kevin Thompson [00:06:53]:
I have nothing but hatred for them, and I count them as my enemies. But search me, o God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. This is the word of the Lord, and thanks be to God for it. Most gracious heavenly Father, take this text now and impress it upon our hearts and empower us to walk out of here different people, all because of the greatness of who you are. It's in Jesus name that we pray. Amen.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:24]:
You may be seated. I was here back in July, and during that time, Jeremy asked me to come preach July, August. And he said, hey, preach on how to fight fair. Preach on conflict in marriage. And so I did. And if you remember, some of you that were here, you remember I used kind of this as the table, as an illustration. That which is underneath the surface, that which is on top of above the surface. We talked about how to fight fair in marriage.
Kevin Thompson [00:07:46]:
That conflict is an aspect of every relationship. It's not necessarily that healthy marriages have less conflict. It's that they know how to navigate conflict in a. If you and I want to have relationships that flourish in parenting, in marriage, in business and culture, in church, we have to learn how to navigate inevitable conflict, to kind of show the power, the impact of this church. Actually, a clip from that sermon has now been viewed by 650,000 people just in the last six months. And so clearly it had an impact of some sort. And so a month ago, Pastor Jeremy called me and said, hey, can you be here the first weekend of February? I said, sure, I'd love to. He said, I want you to preach on conflict in marriage.
Kevin Thompson [00:08:27]:
I said, jeremy, I did that last time. Do you want me to just come re preach the old sermon? Do your people not pay attention? And he said, no, surely there were some things you didn't get to in some way. I want you to cover that topic again, which really raises questions for me about his marriage. But sure enough, I'm obedient and I'll do that very thing. But today I want to look at it from a little bit of a different angle. So last time we studied this idea that conflict, some conflict is inevitable. How do you navigate that type of conflict? But today I want to look at a concept that there is some conflict that you and I engage in that we don't have to. That what is experienced as us, as conflict, what causes our heart to rise, our Hearts to race.
Kevin Thompson [00:09:10]:
What creates within us a sense of fight or flight and tension within the relationship actually doesn't have to create those things. As a matter of fact, if we can learn to respect some differences within ourselves and with our spouse, not only will it save us from some experiences of conflict, we can actually get to the point that we delight in those differences. So the very things that causes tension today could be seen as a gift tomorrow if we learn to perceive things the way God actually perceives them. And so to understand that, we have to understand God and we have to understand ourselves. And Psalm 139 gives us what is a picture all throughout Scripture, but poured out here in Psalm 139 as well. Two truths about every single human being. And the first truth is this. There are things within us that are not of God.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:01]:
There are behaviors, habits, patterns, actions and thoughts that are the result of the fall, that are in fact sinful. And you and I need to have those things called out within us. And we need to choose a different pathway, not go our own way, but go the way of God. There are aspects of us that are sin. Hence the psalmist ending the psalm by saying these words in verse number 23 and 24. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Kevin Thompson [00:10:35]:
There are aspects of my fallen condition that now need to be changed. And even though I am a follower of Jesus, sin still has a hold on my life in places. And God now, through the power of His Spirit, can convict me through his word, through this loving community, can assist me to transform. And you and I can be changed by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And we stand in constant need of change, which should give us a tremendous amount of compassion whenever we see sin in the lives of other people, to recognize, oh, they're just as messed up as I am. The Gospel can touch them just as the Gospel is touching me. We have to recognize not everything within us needs to be celebrated or needs to be respected. As a matter of fact, there's some things and some choices that we can make that are actually disrespectful to God and to others.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:20]:
And we deserve a lack of respect in those areas. Are you with me? Is there anybody that disagrees with that? If so, let's just look at you for a minute. But notice at the exact same time, there is an equal truth. And that equal truth now is poured out in verse number 13. For you created My inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful.
Kevin Thompson [00:11:50]:
I know them full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. So the picture that we also now have is that God has divine sovereignty, almost like a loving grandmother that is knitting a specific gift for an upcoming grandchild. And even though this type of gift has been knitted before, each stitch is unique and each gift has unique. And there's a love that's being poured out. And she is using all of her skill now to craft this unique gift in the same way. That's how you and I were created. We are not cosmic accidents.
Kevin Thompson [00:12:27]:
We are not just genetic collisions of our parents. At this poof, we popped out and God didn't know how we were going to be. Instead, God was actually at work in the knitting together of the unique intricacies of who you and I are supposed to be. And there are elements of me that are different from elements of you. And the elements are in me are created and designed by God himself to carry out the purposes and the designs that he has for my life. In the exact same way, there are aspects of you that are different from me, that aren't right or wrong by any means. They are just who God has created you to be to carry out the purposes that he has for you. And when you and I fail to respect the differences in one another and allow those differences now to be a threat to us, we begin to experience a conflict that was never designed to be a conflict.
Kevin Thompson [00:13:20]:
And we can see that poured out in culture, in communities in our country, probably definitely in the state and probably in this county, in this city. We can see it in families, in churches and businesses. But we also see it in the midst of marriage. And so we have to hold these two truths together. There are things within me that need to be called out and changed. There are differences between me and my spouse that are not sinful, that are part of God's original unique design. And those differences now need to be celebrated, encouraged and nourished, and cultivated to the best of our abilities. And both of those two truths are the same.
Kevin Thompson [00:14:00]:
And we need to have the discernment, be able to figure out within ourselves and within others, which is this issue. And so it's not a concept of, well, every difference is just a difference of perspective. Let's respect what's going on. And so if you have A biblical New Testament vision of what sexuality and sex is supposed to be. Intimacy saved for marriage. And you're married to somebody that has a different viewpoint, that has more of an open viewpoint of it doesn't matter what I do with my body. I can sleep with whoever I want to sleep with. That is not a difference that needs to be respected.
Kevin Thompson [00:14:31]:
That is a sinful opinion that needs to be called out and changed. So John Gottman, the marriage expert, is gonna say that whenever it comes to conflict in marriage, there are two types of issues. There are resolvable issues and unresolvable issues. And he says that resolvable issues are matters of actual right and wrong in which a couple has to make the right decision. They have to lean on each other, and chances are both of them are partially right and partially wrong, and they have to navigate all that, figure out to make the right decision. And if they don't do that, there will consequences than making the wrong decision. But then he says, there's a great deal of conflict that occurs. That actually isn't an issue of right or wrong.
Kevin Thompson [00:15:08]:
It's an issue of differing perspectives, differing backgrounds and understandings. And I see the world this way, and you see the world that way. And even though we see it differently, it's not that I'm right and you're wrong or you're right and I'm wrong. It's that we both have a shade of the truth. And we now need to combine those colors together to create the new color that we're supposed to experience in some way. But here's the thing. When you and I approach unresolvable issues as though they are resolvable, then we will then recognize coming into it, we will think there is a right or wrong. And let's face it, if there is a right or wrong, what that means is, I'm right and you're wrong.
Kevin Thompson [00:15:48]:
And the next thing you know, you and I begin to experience tension and friction in relationships over issues that. That are actually supposed to be compatible, in that the differences that my spouse has from me is more information that need to be on the table to make the right decision, instead of me trying to convince her why my way is better than hers. And notice what Kautman says. 30% of all conflict in marriage is a resolvable issue, which means 70% isn't. 70% of the things that create conflict in marriage are not a difference between right and wrong. They are a difference between the perspectives and the backgrounds. The way that we see the world, the experiences that we have had. And yet if we approach those as a matter of right and wrong, I will literally try to convince Jenny that who she is and who God made her to be and the understanding that she has is actually evil.
Kevin Thompson [00:16:45]:
And she needs to become like me. And that's a dangerous way to go. So what are the issues within your own life and within others that can be considered a threat to us, that can be considered a danger that we could mistake as a matter of right and wrong, when in reality it's just a differing perspective and the very difference is actually a gift from God to protect us. What are some of those things? Well, one of them is very obvious. It's the way the Bible begins. It's the way marriage begins itself. Genesis chapters one and two. The text says that God created them, male and female.
Kevin Thompson [00:17:22]:
Jesus, whenever he talks about marriage, says, for this reason, he quotes Genesis, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. We see from a biblical perspective that marriage is a lifelong union between one man and one woman. And it is God's design now to have that union be created of different people. There's a design between this idea of man and woman that from a biblical perspective, there are differences. Now, there's a ton of similarities. We're both image bearers of God, both human being. No doubt a majority of what we share in common, we share in common. But on the fringes of who God has made us to be, there is a difference between man and woman.
Kevin Thompson [00:18:00]:
And we don't have to back down from that. We can instead embrace that and celebrate that. What does it mean that God has created me to be a man? What do I bring to culture and society, to my family? The best way I can understand and to experience God is to embrace who he has created me to be in the exact same way. For Jenny, what does it mean to be created as a woman? How can she embrace her femininity? The best way for her to know God, to contribute to society, to contribute to her family, is to be who God has created her to be and to step into that and to celebrate it. Now, what's so interesting, this is one of the great changes of life just in my time of being a pastor. Now, in the last 20 or 30 years, that used to not be a controversial statement at all. And yet now we live in a culture in which if you say there's a difference between men and women, some people balk and say, no, no, there's not. And so outside these walls, there's a Temptation to say, well, there's no difference between men and women.
Kevin Thompson [00:18:55]:
And it's interesting to me. Oftentimes we get criticized as not following the science. And on this case where we say, follow the science, they go, no, no, no, not here. And so it's interesting. Scientifically, there's a difference. Biblically, there's a difference. I also just think we can feel it in our gut. We just know there's a difference.
Kevin Thompson [00:19:16]:
Let's face it, if I get home today and. And I may or may not go to church tonight like I'm supposed to back at Granite Bay, where I work. But if I get home and eventually we put, you know, everything. We kind of shut the house down for the night, and I go to bed, I'm tired, worked hard all weekend, and I drift off to sleep about an hour into me being asleep. If Jenny and I are shaken awake by shattering a glass downstairs, and when our brains process the danger that we are now in, in that moment, would there be anything wrong with me going, hey, Jenny, you gonna go check on that? Yes. You would judge me, and rightly so. We all know that that is my job now to go down and check it out, that I am supposed to be the first one down the steps. Even though she has more experience with guns, even though she's tougher in so many ways, it's my job.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:15]:
Go down and investigate it. She's going to give the final blow, no doubt, but I got to lead the way. There's not a single person in this room that would debate that. Jenny and I love to go on walks in our neighborhood. And there's a lot of trees, and she gets cold if it's shady. And so we'll switch sides of the road. So we'll be walking along cars this way. We're on the sidewalk.
Kevin Thompson [00:20:34]:
Shade's coming up, so we'll switch sides of the road, and I'll kind of step back, and she'll get on the sidewalk. I'll kind of be walking in the street, and we go back and forth. Well, every now and then, if we're not gonna be on this side of the road for too long, we'll get over, and she won't get over on the sidewalk. And so now she's walking on the car side. And if she doesn't get over eventually, I will just kind of gently move her over to where I'm now between her and the cars. And it frustrates her sometimes. She's like, what are you doing? I said, well, it is my job to sacrifice My life for you. I apologize that I'm being noble here.
Kevin Thompson [00:21:09]:
But on top of that, this neighborhood is now full of church members. And the last thing I want is a kind church lady to look out and go, well, Jenny's protecting Kevin again. Like, we just know that there is a difference. And notice this. While culture gets it wrong by pretending there's not a difference, the church can sometimes get it wrong by taking and adding to scripture and beginning to add some cultural expectations, either of today or 100 years ago or 200 years ago. And we can actually proclaim a false narrative of what it means to be a man or a woman or what the differences actually are. Instead of proclaiming biblical truth, we can just proclaim a time of age that we thought things were better. And so you can hear sometimes turn on your television and you'll hear pastors say, well, this is why the man's supposed to go out and work, and this is why the woman's supposed to stay home.
Kevin Thompson [00:22:01]:
And the man should have the checkbook and the woman should take care of the kids. None of that's biblical. None of that matter. It wasn't until the industrial revolution that anybody left the house anyway. So when the Bible was written, people stayed home, they worked together. Proverbs 31 shows us very sophisticated businesswoman and elevates her now as the prime example of what femininity is supposed to be about. So even as the world's getting it wrong by saying there's no difference, the church is equally sometimes heretical by pretending these differences exist that don't actually exist. What we do know is there is a difference between a man and a woman.
Kevin Thompson [00:22:36]:
A different in calling and expectation and roles. We have to begin to lean into that and begin to say, all right, God, what does it mean for me to be a man? What's expected of me? What does Jenny need from me? And begin to lean into that. But I think that difference of male and female, while very real, is also just symbolic of all the differences that take place in marriage. That it is God's design for two different people to come together. And in their union together now, there is a strength that they would not experience on their own. I mean, that's the picture that we have now of God creating Adam, saying, it's not good for man to be alone. I will create a helper who is fit for him. Sometimes that word helper trips us up.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:18]:
We don't have a good English translation of it. We can see helper like, oh, daddy's a little helper. You can't really do this on your own, but you can carry the hammer and be alongside of me. That's not the word at all, the word helper. As a matter of fact, not only is it used of woman, it's used in primarily one other place, and that's the Holy Spirit. That's God himself, by the way. The picture that we have is Adam, left to his own devices, has some weaknesses that he needs a partner who is stronger than him in those areas, who can now support him in his work. And without Eve, he will struggle the consequences and the failures of his own inability.
Kevin Thompson [00:23:51]:
In the same way, Eve is now going to have some strengths, but she's also going to have some weaknesses where Adam is strong, and without him, she will suffer the consequences of that. And now together they can come together and be stronger together than they would be apart. So what are some other differences? What are some other things in our lives that are differences that culture might downplay, that the church might overplay, that we might see as a threat, but are actually a gift from God himself? One difference is now social scientists have begin to show us that there's three centers of intelligence within the human body. There's three places within the body that neurons kind of group together to be super processors of information that can create us to go into action much faster than what we would be able to do on our own. Now we know one. It's the brain. We understand the brain is taking in information, all those kind of things. But that's not the only place that we process information.
Kevin Thompson [00:24:47]:
We also process information in the heart. There's a reason that sometimes we feel things. Even though our brain might say this may not be what we think is the right move, our heart now compels us to go in the right direction. There's a reason Scripture tells us to love the word of God with our heart, with all of our mind, with all of our heart and soul, and all the totality of who we are. But notice this. There's also this gut feeling. When the text says that Jesus has compassion. The word used there for compassion means gut.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:17]:
It doesn't mean that he just thought that he should have compassion. It doesn't mean that his heart was compelled toward compassion. It means he gutterly felt the need for compassion. And what's interesting to me is social scientists now say the three centers of intelligence are your head, your heart, and your gut. That all three of those are necessary for healthy living and understanding. And we use all three of those in different ways. But here's something that's interesting. Dan Siegel down at ucla, he's figured out in the brain.
Kevin Thompson [00:25:43]:
So if this is the brain stem and come up the prefrontal cortex, that's right there, the filter, the amygdala is right there. The subcortical structures that are right behind the prefrontal cortex, that they light up in different ways in different people with the same stimulus. What does that mean? It means that while heart, head and gut are all important, all necessary and available to us, each of us leads with one of those over the other two. For all of us, one of those fires faster than the other. And for you, it might be the head. For your spouse, it might be the heart. For a child, it might be the gut. And there's no right or wrong in that order.
Kevin Thompson [00:26:21]:
It's just how God has actually created us to. But if you and I don't recognize how we're leading, if we don't recognize how we first kind of engage a topic or a subject, then we won't recognize how our spouse does it either. And any differences that are there, we will see as a threat and not understand that the difference could actually be bringing more information to the table that we actually need to leverage for our own safety and well being. And so the very gift that God has given us to protect us, we now see as a danger and push it away. Almost like the body's immune system now attacking the healthy cells. That's what's going on in many marriages. A good amount of the conflict that we are experiencing are differences that God has put in place to protect us. But we are misidentifying those things as threats and dangers and fight or flight is kicking in and it's hindering our relationships.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:15]:
So head, heart, gut, which do you lead with? So for me, I'd lead with my head. I don't trust my gut, I doubt my heart. I want outward information. Just listen to how this sermon is being preached. I've quoted a neurobiologist, I've quoted statistics, I've quoted scripture, all these outside resources, right. I did have a minor reference to. We just feel like this is true. I'm appealing to those who lead with the gut, but I'm gonna lead primarily with the head.
Kevin Thompson [00:27:45]:
The. And so when Jenny and I are working through an issue, I'm gonna come in with the information, the statistics, the experts, all these people. Well, Jenny leads with her gut. She's smart, she's wise, she's brilliant. But the first thing that fires for her is not her heart or her Head, it's her gut. She just has this feel. And so notice this, when we are healthy, I'm bringing in the head knowledge. She's bringing in the gut knowledge.
Kevin Thompson [00:28:11]:
I'm understanding that she can perceive some things that I can't perceive, that we aren't a number, we aren't just a statist, some unique characteristics to what's going on in this very specific situation. At the same time, I'm bringing to her some outside information to take this issue bigger. Humanity is not that unique. And when done well, we respect what's going on with each other. But notice this, even at our best, I'm leading with my head, she's leading with her gut. Neither one of us are leading with heart. And so we have to invite that in. And so for some of you, if you lead with your heart, you would come into our house and you would think, man, this house is cold.
Kevin Thompson [00:28:46]:
Y' all don't really celebrate birthdays that well, anniversaries aren't that big of a deal that you would feel less heart than what you desire. Now, we need to bring more heart in, no doubt, but we have to recognize that God has just created us. I'm more head knowledge, she's more gut knowledge. That's just kind of how we're going to be. And now let's invite the heart in. But notice this. If we don't recognize those differences in each other, then I can be in a situation, we can be talking through something. And I'm quoting this stat and this stat, and this expert.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:17]:
And Jenny can say, well, I just feel like we need to do this. And I'll think to myself, I won't say, because I've been married for 25 years. I will think to myself, I don't care what your gut feels. The experts say this, the knowledge is this. And she might think to herself in that moment, we're not a statistic. I don't care what some guy at UCLA says. I'm on the ground. Look at what I see in this moment.
Kevin Thompson [00:29:48]:
And I might come in, I might quote my favorite expert at all. And I might say, well, you know what? I wrote the book on marriage. Here's what I think. And she will respond, no, you wrote a book on marriage that not many people read. And the very thing that could strengthen us can tear us apart if we aren't aware of what is going on and if we don't respect the differences that are actually there. What are some other differences that are in your relationship and God has created them for Your wellbeing. They're not threats. Well, in my relationship, I am the low drive spouse.
Kevin Thompson [00:30:33]:
My wife is the much higher drive regarding cleanliness. Where were y' all going with that? And so she has a higher standard than what I have. Well, we can see those differences as a threat. And I can say, oh, you're just. You're being too hypocritical. You're too worried about outside appearances and all those things. And she can look at me and just, well, you're just being a lazy slob. We can look at those differences, or we can respect them.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:01]:
And I can recognize she can bring me up in the world, but at the same time, I can. I can let her understand, hey, my buddy can walk in here. And the pillows do not have to be perfectly placed. No guy has ever walked into the house and said, kevin, I can't believe you live like this. The pillow's on the floor. Well, that's the way we live. But we have to respect those differences. Jenny has always been one of these people that doesn't feel fear in any way.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:25]:
And so we'd be vacationing somewhere. When our kids were little, we'd be vacationing somewhere. They'd be back home. We'd be celebrating each other. We'd come to a parking lot. Big rocks to protect you from going off the side. She would step over those rocks to get on the edge to take a picture. Meanwhile, I wouldn't get within 10ft of the rocks, and I'd be like, what are you doing? I like, those rocks are there to protect you.
Kevin Thompson [00:31:43]:
She's like, no, those rocks are for the cars. I can go wherever I want. I finally had to tell her at one time, look, if you fall, I'm marrying quickly and much younger. I am not raising these kids on my own. And now, over time, what we have learned is she will stay on this side of the rocks, but I will get closer. And so we say that I'm in her life to keep her alive, and she's in my life to make my life worth living. Living. Those are respected differences.
Kevin Thompson [00:32:13]:
What are the things that are different that have actually created tension in your relationship, but it's actually a gift of God. You know Dan Siegel down at ucla, as he studies the brain, he said, here's what brain health is. It's when the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere each do what they're created to do. So the right hemisphere, all the autobiographical information, the artistic interpretation, the beauty, all of that. That and the left hemisphere, all the linear and logical and language when they operate where they're supposed to, but then they communicate properly and the two are differentiated, are linked, and create a greater whole. He said that's what health is. He said every mental disorder, every mental illness is a disintegration in which either one of the hemispheres is not doing what it's supposed to do, or the two hemispheres are failing to communicate so that they can work together. Mental illness is a disintegration of the brain.
Kevin Thompson [00:33:12]:
Mental health is an integration of the brain. Is it possible that's a great picture of what a healthy marriage is, that as I do what God created me to do and to be as Jenny is what God has created her to be and do. And we operate fully functioning, but then integrate together into something greater and something bigger. But the only way that we can do that is to begin to respect the very differences that sometimes threaten us. Now we have to discern the difference between differences that need to be extracted from us and those that now need to be celebrated. But what would it look like if you began to delight in God's design for yourself and for others? And is it possible that that picture of integration is a great symbolism of what this world was meant to be? That when God created it, everything had its place and it was different, but it was linked and every part just fit together. But when sin entered the world, disintegration happened. And suddenly parts began to not fully function the way they were designed to function.
Kevin Thompson [00:34:23]:
And even whenever they were functioning, they stopped working together, being integrated together. And that what we actually see in this world and in our lives are the consequences of disintegration whenever we are separated from God, which then separates us from ourselves. And is it possible that is exactly what God has done through Jesus, is he has made a way for us to be integrated back with ourselves, with each other, and with him. And so I can't help but think today that in this room that there are people experiencing the consequences of. Of disintegration. The negative things going on in your life for some is very dramatic. It's addiction, it's abuse, it's adultery, it's foolish choices. It's the inability to get on the right way for others.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:08]:
It's extremely subtle. It's, well, a good amount of respect in this community, but an inward gnawing that things just aren't right. It's material success and financial success. But I of a growing frustration that there has to be more. I can't help but think that those are the echoes of disintegration until you begin to fully function as God has created you to function and play your part in a much bigger story that God himself controls and designs. You and I are going to experience the negative consequences of that. But the good news is it can stop. And we can surrender ourselves to him and experience his forgiveness and literally be integrated back into who he's called us to be.
Kevin Thompson [00:35:51]:
Would you bow your heads in prayer? I wonder today. I wonder if some of you that might not resonate with you, this idea of disintegration. You know what? That's what I'm experiencing. It may not be significant to where other people can see it, but it's a relationship frustration, it's an anger, it's a fear, it's a sadness, it's a struggle that may be hidden, that may be obvious, but you know in the end what it is. You are separated from God. And so you're carrying the weight of the world on your own shoulders. You're broken and you're fallen, and you know it, but you're trying to keep up a projection that you're not. And I wonder if today is the day that maybe that stops.
Kevin Thompson [00:36:31]:
And what's interesting is integration begins basically with one simple step. It begins with an empty hand raised toward heaven, saying, God, I can't do this on my own. And I wonder if some of you might not be willing to raise your hand today and say, that's where I'm at. So with every head bowed, every eye closed, all across this room in the same way that multiple people have in every service we've had so far. If you are experiencing the consequences of disintegration in your life and today you want to be integrated back with God and you want to have a relationship with him. With every head bowed, every eye closed, I wonder if you would just raise your hand. 3, 2, 1. Raise your hand.
Kevin Thompson [00:37:09]:
We see those hands. We see them all across the room, every section. You can put your hand down if that's you. The good news is this. It can happen right where you are, in your own words, in your own way. The same way I did May 5, 1988, on my bed as a little boy. You can just pray, God, I need you. I didn't know everything that it meant.
Kevin Thompson [00:37:27]:
You don't know everything it means, but it's a start. And here's what happens from that point, that point that you ask him into your life, he comes into your life and he begins to process, process of changing you, a process of bringing you home. Now, the very next step that comes with that is now a public proclamation. So I just ask you with every head bowed, every eye closed, the next step will be for you to not raise your hand with every head open, every eye open. Instead, it's called baptism. It's a public proclamation of what God has done for us. In just a moment, whenever I finish praying, we're going to see some people who have committed their lives to Christ, who are experiencing that transformation, and they're going to get baptized. As you look on and as you watch, I wonder if some of you may not want to join.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:11]:
I know you didn't come prepared, but we're prepared. We can assist you. You don't have to do it today. You can wait a week or two and figure some more things out. But why not? Why not just take your next step? So if it begins with a raised, empty hand toward heaven, you've done that. The next step is you make it public in front of everybody else. Let's do that. And then tomorrow, let's get to work on what's next.
Kevin Thompson [00:38:31]:
Next, because this is an invitation toward a way to health, toward integration with God and others. And it's an invitation open to all of us. Most gracious Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Empower us now to take bold steps of faith to follow after you. It's in Jesus name that we pray. Amen.